Setting context for communication

Context like the rules of a game. Setting good, clear context ensures that all the participants are playing by the same rules, and that each player understands those rules clearly and comprehensively. Loose or vague context leads to confusion, assumptions, and potential for chaos, just as sloppy or erratic rules of a game can lead to confused or chaotic play.

All communication happens inside of a context. Establishing clear context with others can improve the quality of communication and therefore our relationships Conflict and breakdown happens when the people inside of a relationship are living in two different implicit contexts. One person is playing basketball and the other is playing football. We each assume the other person is playing the same game we’re playing, and don’t bother to make sure that the rules of that game have been conveyed and agreed upon.

A critical part of setting and establishing context is making sure you have the buy-in of the other people you’re inviting to share the context with you. One of the most powerful ways to get someone’s buy-in, particularly for a conversation you think might be challenging, is to start with the why.

Share your WHY and what you WANT from the conversation, HOW you want the conversation to go and is NOW a good time, before you share the WHAT. 

WHY do you want to have this conversation? What’s important to you here? Why is this other person important to you?

What do you WANT from the conversation? Are you looking for advice or to work through an issue?

HOW do you want the conversation to go? Would you like time to speak without being interrupted before hearing from the other person? Are there any ground rules you’d like to suggest?

Is NOW a good time to talk? So often, we charge into important conversations without first checking whether the other person is actually available to have the conversation! Can they give you their full attention or is there a better time to speak? Maybe they’re dealing with some issues of their own that will prevent them being fully receptive to hearing yours. You might need to give them the headlines here so they can make an informed decision - it’s really tricky to get the right balance, so don’t be tempted to share all the content straight away!